a bad friday..

yeah.. had a bad dae yesterdae.. first, my PA prof came.. and think she was quite angry for havin to wait for my sup for almost 45 mins.. secondly, the results were out yesterdae.. though i cleared all, but it fall short of my expectations.. and it again proves how a failure im when it comes to studyin.. (maybe im jus a failure in everything..).. thirdly, i did OT again, the fourth consecutively day for the week.. and i did OT till 9pm!!! when im supposed to knocked off ad 530.. and the BEST thing to note is THERES NO OT PAY!!!! wat can i say?? jus tt this stupid company fully exploits their staff.. or maybe jus mi.. a lowly paid sai gaing doing intern in their so called BRANDED company.. arghhh..

nwae, on a lighter note, was lookin through the class schedule today.. realised tt hr metrix got no exams!! yeah.. meanin mi onli got 2 exams next sem.. not includin exams for ge, that is.. =) yay!! nwae, anyone wanna take up one of the followin as ge??? retail mgmt? sales mgmt? development of resorts & attractions in A-Pac region? entrepreneurial corporate mgmt & new venture creation (no exams for this..)?? anyone? anyone?? tell mi if u are takin any of this k.. hehe.. speakin of these modules which are generally mktg modules.. realised tt i hav yet get back some of my tbs.. hmmm.. shall go ask for them liao.. =)

slacker @ work

hello pple.. morning~ =) well, am at my workstation right now.. dressed in a pullover, berms and sandals.. super slack today.. y?? cos it was rainin cats and dogs this morning.. hmmm.. thinkin back, it is a blessin tt the dress code ad nike is casual.. feel so lucky tt i cld come in this slackin attire.. whereas my sis stil have to wear nice nice to go work.. hahaa.. nwae, feel so sleepy now.. but theres some music blasting softly (haha.. how ironic.. blasting-softly =P) from my collegue's pc.. hey pple, if u happened to see mi online, or rather online but 'busy' on msn, can jus drop mi a msn msg leh.. hehee.. can keep mi awake at work.. hehee

hmmm.. think i feel rather happy these few daes.. or maybe gettin more and more cranky... maybe cos im pretty (pretty=rather=quite.. hahahah)satisfied wif my life now.. things are gettin better.. lookin brighter now.. and my sup at work wasnt THAT bad afterall..

alrite. enuff said, shall go start work le.. hopefully wont work OT til too late wor~ take care pple!! =)

More then words..

listening to.. Say my name- Destiny's child

well, guess pictures will speak alot more than words.. but i shall jus post a summarized version of wat happened yesterdae.. its obvious tt im damn pissed, damn angry, cos i think i got tt stop all that nonsense look written all over my face.. like wat i have said, i really been lookin forward to yesterdae's chillin out session.. esp so when durin the mid of this week, work started to pile up, and alot of datelines have to be met. not jus dateline from my immediate supervisor, but oso from the hr director, and the hr managers from other countries.. stress is the word tt i can think of now.. tt's y i really hope i can have a good time yesterdae.. BUT.. it dint turn out well.. initially..

well, i guess pple wil turn mature somedae, look different, but hey.. how cum they dun change in the wae they tok, outright disgusted by wat they are tokin (damn crude).. and yeah.. tokin at such a super loud volume.. and laffing at a super loud, super high pitch volume.. grow up gers.. wont u all feel abit of embarrasement??? pissed the hell out of mi.. turn mi off.. almost make mi lose my appetite.. haiz..

anywae, tried to shake them off after dinner, and yeah.. i did.. so went to chijmes- irish pub wif wt, edwin, boon and guanyu.. was quite surprised tt wt knew the wae to irish pub.. =) and was quite surprised ad myself too.. was ALMOST drunk after drinkin a glass of heineken, a pint of snakebite(strongbow wif lager), a few mouthfuls of long island tea and a sip of Black and Tan( guiness wif kilkenny).. thanks guys for all the drinks.. cant stay for too long. cos think mi wld be dead drunk if i drink somemore.. well promised tt i wont get drunk, i will make sure i can stil make it back home on myself.. but guessed when one's wasnt in good mood, drinkin jus a little is enuff to get drunk..

okokies. shant nag somemore.. here's the pix..

listening to... she will be loved-Maroon 5

boon, edwin, gy, wt, ql.. Cheers~

01s49.. wif a kiam pa face spoilin the pix!

'sisters!' =)

'yeye' wif his 2 'guai sun nu'..

hOegaarden!!

live band ad indochine

Venus gers gathering.. after work =)

Great Monday..

listening to.. Where's the love - Hanson

no work on Mon.. cos was at East Coast there helpin my co's pple take photos when they participate in the team building event.. ard 2pm, the whole even is over.. and here comes my freedom!!!

rushed home, bathed, and out i went again... to orchard.. to watch The Jacket ad lido.. i think the show is quite nice.. though its abit gross during the first 15 mins of the show? haha.. but one thing to comment.. the lead actress is super duper pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!! mei nu mei nu.. big eyes, black tresses.. elegant yet sophisicated.. after tt had diner at han's @ far east.. veri filling meal indeed..

after which, went to indochine to chill out. nice place manz.. great live band and great drinks.. hahaha.. drank 2 glasses of huegaardens..
nwae. not much of the mood now.. lookin forward to meeting the venus gers tml.. and the chillin out session-turns-mini class gathering on fri.. yepyep.. tt's all for today..

I turn to you...

A veri meaningful song.. remembered singin it in cedar.. bring back the teenagehood memories and the fun times i had in sec sch.. i guessed my days spent in cedar are the most memorable times i had in my whole school life.. the cedar spirit, the cheers, the people, everything.. once a cedarian, always a cedarian

When I'm lost, in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light, to light my way.
When I'm scared, losing ground
When my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around. (yes)
And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top.
You're always there giving me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm
For a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you. (oooo yeah)

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach to you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything,
'Cause your love is so amazing;
'Cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend, you're always on my side;
Giving me faith taking me through the night

For a shield (For a shield) from the storm; (from the storm)
For a friend; for a love (for a love to keep me safe and warm)
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you. (I turn to you)
For the strength (for the strength) to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
I turn to you. (ooo yeah oohhh)

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain;
For truth that will never change;
For someone to lean on;
For a heart I can rely on through anything;
For that one who I can run to;(oooooo) (I turn to you oooooo yeah)
For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love (to keep me safe a warm yeah yeah, I turn to you)
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you. (I turn to you)
For the strength (for the strength) to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do; (everything you do)
For everything that's true;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

Friday 13th

hehee.. dis date is esp special to mi.. me not referring to the month that this day falls in, but the date and day of the week it falls on.. yeah. cos its not very often tt 13th fall on a fri.. and i deemed it as special cos i was borned on a fri 13th too (but not in May, of course).. pple sae fri 13th is unlucky, but i think its really veri qiao to be born on this date.. and i cld sae im lucky in my life to be able to get to uni with my super slack attitute.. and also lucky to know frens whom i really treasure..

well, well.. spend the whole dae workin.. and after work, went to changi airport and had a great dinner there.. fish and co.. tell u pple, the fish and co there is SUPERB!!!! great atmosphere, comfortable chairs, great service, great food (esp the chips) and its ad the same price as the fish n co outside... i really like it there.. its really GREAT!!!!!!!!!
after tt, walked ard T1 and T2.. realised tt i tok alot.. really alot.. non-stop.. well, i think this the aftereffects of work..super talkative, super cranky..
was plannin to go chilled out at ard 10.. but was stopped halfwae on my wae there cos my parents not to go back so late.. its was really veri 'off'.. come to think of it, i am so tired and stressed at work.. i jus wanna relax and enjoy myself!! but nevertheless, had great plans for the upcoming week though!!

gg watch movie, dinner and chilled out on mon (yeah!!!)
gg out wif my venus gers to bugis on tues ( stil in the planning process.. thru the use of emails :p)
gg chilled out on fri wif wt.. and hopefully can get edwin, boon, gy to go along... wat do u guys think abt it.. maybe go chijmes or zee 10? =)

wellwell, tt's abt all.. today.. sat.. shall SLACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a day of mixed feelings...

was supposedly to sleep at 12am.. but ended up sleepin at 1230.. cos was watchin The Amazing Race.. i wld sae it was a nice show.. make mi realise tt perseverence will somehow pay off. and tt u wldnt noe who's the winner until u reach the finishin line.. after which, i went to bed.. but kept tossing and turning, cant sleep.. feel veri 'luan' but dun really noe wats the reasons behind.. when i woke up in the morning, was quite tired.. so i told myslef maybe i can sleep on the bus.. but stil, i cant.. stil feel veri 'luan'.. alot of thoughts ran thru my brain.. y?? i duno!!! maybe i shdnt be thinkin of so much in the first place.. haizz

oh yah.. double O is celebrating their 5th aniiversary this fri.. which is tml.. free entry and housepours from 9-11pm.. (thanks to edwin for this info) =P sounds good.. but.. hmmm.. wat you think? after dinner? hehehe

back to work.. its a dae of mixed feelings.. was informed in the early morning tt my supervisor will be comin in late and tt i have to make this international call on my own so to participate in the conference call.. but pls.. how can i do it without any info?? wat im supposed to do?? of course, i panicked la.. and luckily, she came back not long after.. and we had this conference call wif the 4 other countries.. quite a bad experience la.. cos mi not veri sure of the wae of askin methods.. and i guessed my sup was abit pek chek wif mi.. cos i was askin not tt specific questions.. haizz. but cant blame mi rite? first time leh..

after tt, continue wif my inputin data for excel.. and was gg to ask my sup some questions. and when i jus wanna started askin, she jus shut mi up sayin ' hmm.. we dun tok abt this today k?' hello.. im suppose to come here and do this shitty excel thing can.. and theres onli u whom i can ask questions from.. not tt i really wanna ask u!! and hey.. its the info tt u give mi tt so ridiculous.. and it wld be my pleasure and ease to key in the data from the perspective tt i see it.. but i was hopin for more accuracy and it may save lots of trouble in the future. and u come n tell mi this? fine! from tt time on, i jus sit there and do wat ever i think can fit into the excel.. and when i had already tried my best wif the limited info.. i jus slacked!! though its abit boring..

but on the other hand, i shd be grateful tt i was allowed to join the monthly communications meeting.. veri gratifying experience though.. listen to the managers from different departments givin an overview of their work.. and their future plans for nike.. interesting.. and listen to them speak abt the business model, makes mi think abt my marketing.. and hey.. i haven get back my precious mktg tb!!!

well, tt's pretty much for today.. left ad 530pm SHARP and i shall continue doin it for my rest of daes there cos they DUN pay for OT!!!! i dun think so la.. so wont b so stupid of sloggin for them unless UNLESS its really required.. haha

listening to... my all time fav: BACKSTREET BOYS...

Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I'm leaving my life in your hands
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me blind is still a mystery
I can't get you out of my head
Don't care what is written in your history
As long as you're here with me

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you love me

.... AS LONG AS YOU LOVE ME

job's not THAT bored afterall...

listening to... Ling Wu- Xing Xiao Qi

hmmm.. my job is turning out fine already.. since im given more freedom.. and i am asked to join my supervisor in the 2 meetings tml.. really lookin forward to it.. one is a weekly conference call, the other is a video conference, which is held once in a blue moon.. hopefully i will have a great dae ad work tml.. hehee.. but stil, there are some time where i almost dozed off to sleep.. facing the excel spreadsheet.. it is really boring sometimes.. esp after lunch!! =P
well, well.. 47daes more at work to go!! hahaa.. started to count down already.. shall persevere.. tt's the spirit, tt's the motto..

on a lighter note.. i really REALlY feel like gg clubbing again.. not tt im a cheongster or watsoever.. jus tt i think im lookin for an avenue to relax.. so tired and stressed ad work.. jus wanna to relax after work.. who's gg? bring mi bring mi.. or maybe pubbing?? on a fri or sat?? heheee..

haiz haiz.. boredom begins to set in now.. no one's chattin wif mi. so bored.. mostly away or bz. =( maybe i shall sleep early today.. sianz..

listening to... Fallen- Sarah McLachian

1st dae working in Nike!

well, had a wonderful dae yesterdae.. shop ard, watched 'the interpreter' (its veri nice.. i think la.. better than the 'san cha lu' whose plot is so lousy), and went newton to eat dinner cum supper..

slept ad 1am plus.. and woke up ad 6 today.. took 22 in order to reach there.. the trip was long.. a 45mins ride.. fell asleep on the bus. but woke up halfwae cos the morning sun was shining directly at mi.. maybe i shall bring my shades tml.. so i can hav a perfect 45mins precious sleep.. hehee..

reached there ad aed 815.. jus nice and i made my wae up there.. met the HR director and HR manager.. and was given a briefing of my job scope and an overview of the organization. . its functions and the distribution of the employees... after which i was given my first dateline for my data collection which is abt 3 weeks from now.. but for today.. i spent the whole dae doin excel spreadsheet.. its really boring.. REALLY!!!! almost dozed off to sleep after lunch lo.. and i did OT on my first dae!! can u believe it??? OT ON THE FIRST DAE OF WORK!!!!! and im already so lowly paid already.. haiz haiz.. realy feel like callin it quits.. but hanging on cos i anticipate the job to be fun.. hangin on cos i have to hang on.. and hangin on cos of the encouragements i received from my sis.. and him.. i will jia you. dun worry.. wont give up so easily... =)

alrite.. shall go take a long long longgggggg bathe.. and relax.. hope tml will be a better dae~

050505

watched- kingdom of heavens
weather- rainy, cold.. jus like the mood.. so glommy, so dark...
i looked into his eyes.. i see the pain.. i listened to him tok.. i felt the sadness..

haiz.. dint really noe wat to post here.. the feelings.. beyond wat i can put down in words..

so unlike mi today...

jus back from sendin my mom to work.. but the ride wasnt smooth, jus as i tot i wld have master the art of driving already, i dint.. or maybe its jus mi today.. step on the brakes abruptly for a few times.. almost hit the kerb twice, once wif mom yellin ad mi to look out, the other i realised it myself.. and few times tt i started off wif the wrong gear.. i have nv made such mistakes for quite sometime already.. few months, or rather a year already.. y today? maybe i wasnt concentrating.. maybe cos the aftereffect of drinkin tt 1 can of beer yesterday.. it wasnt intentional tt i go grab it to drink.. wasnt intentional tt wat i said after tt wld hurt pple so deep.. sorry.. next time i wont do it again..

on a lighter note, or shall i sae,on a sadder note.. was heartbroken when i woke up today and saw my dear kiki losing some hair.. all cos of mi. all my fault.. stupid dynamo incident.. clumsy mi.. and some of my injuries started to hurt.. wonder wat sini said was true.. maybe i shall go do some xray or wat?? not too clear.. shall wait and see..

thinking...

went to bugis today.. shop ard.. bought a card for my fren.. her 21sth bdae this sat.. and after which went to raffles city, city link mall, suntec and also millenia walk.. bought chocolates ad the candy empire there.. 2nd time buyin from there.. 1st time, i remembered was after i saw my sis buyin from there, and the chocolates tastes not too bad.. not those heavenly chocolates.. but enuff to satisfy my sweet, or rather my bitter tooth.. i remembered the first time i bought, i bought 2 packets.. 1 for myself, and one for my fren.. hopein it can cheer him up.. though i noe reciprocation dun always happens, but i do hope a small gesture will help.. walk past the mac.. make mi remember abt eatin nuggets there.. make mi think of the taxi ride.. make mi think of the memories.. make mi think of lots of things... it really make mi think... am i really happy now?? maybe yesh, maybe no.. i dun really noe..

memories..

memories.. painful memories...

Look into my eyes you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
When you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth trying for
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you

Look into your heart you will find
There's nothing there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I would give it all, I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do, I do it for you

There's no love like your love
And no other could give more love
There's nowhere unless you're there
All the time, all the way

(Look into your heart baby)
Oh, you can't tell me it's not worth trying for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
Yeah, I would fight for you, I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you, Yeah I'd die for you
You know it's true
Everything I do, Ohhh, I do it for you

sleepless nights...

i feel terrible.. toss and turn.. jus cant sleep.. or maybe i slept.. sleep awake, sleep awake.. its 550am now..
it was horrible.. everytime i shut my eyes and try to sleep.. flashes of memories, be it good or bad, jus ran thru my mind.. and tears jus rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably.. no, i shant cry.. and i dun wan to.. cos most of it reminds mi tt i was jus taken for granted.. was not cherished.. it was 1 way liking a person.. there's no reason for mi to cry over all these.. but i jus cry.. the voice of his, the voice of him tellin mi tt he loves mi.. tellin mi tt theres a future.. tellin mi tt he bought a ring already.. and tellin mi tt he threw it away when i told him the bad news.. and the voice of him cryin.. it really hurts mi.. the tears jus came down.. cry till i sleep.. damn mi.. i hate this.. arghhh.. im really sorry.. i am a bad ger.. im so cruel, makin such a decision.. but im really really sorry.. :'(
yeah.. have made the decision.. shd be happy wif it.. yeah.. im happy that i did a decision, and i believe tt i will be happy wif it..
i like u, i have confidence in u, and i trust u.. yeah.. i have faith in u..

i hate my life.. i hate myself..

yesh.. i really hate my life this much.. i dun wanna make a decision.. but i had to..yesh.. i made a decision.. i lost a friend FOREVER... yesh. i lost him.. i really hope, i pray, i hope. i wont regret this decision.. Really.. i hope i dun regret this.. i felt so bad now.. nothing can describe how i feel actually.. absolutely.. its so bitter.. bitter bitter.. im so cruel.. im so bad.. i hate myself.. hope i can jus hide beneath the blanket forever.. hope i can wash my brain.. hope i can jus drown.. fallin apart now.. damn mi..

Girl in the mirror..

There's a girl in my mirror
I wonder who she is
Sometimes I think I know her
Sometimes I really wish I did

There's a story in her eyes
Lullabies and goodbyes
When she's looking back at me
I can tell her heart is broken, easily
'Cause the girl in my mirror is cryin' tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her to make her feel alright
Oh, the girl in my mirror is cryin' 'cause of you
And I wish there was something
Something I could do
If I could, I would tell her
Not to be afraid
The pain that's she feeling
The sense of loneliness will fade
So dry your tears and rest assured
Love will find you like before
When she's looking back at me
I know nothing really works that easily

'Cause the girl in my mirror is cryin' tonight
And there's nothing I can tell her to make her feel alright
Oh, the girl in my mirror is cryin' 'cause of you
And I wish there was something
I wish there was something
Oh, I wish there was something I could do
I can't believe it's what I see
That the girl in the mirror
The girl in the mirror is me
I can't believe what I see, no, oh
Oh, the girl in my mirror
The girl in my mirror, is me
Oh, is ME

w.h.y???

caught in a dilemma now.. i dun wanna make a decision.. im afraid tt i make a wrong decision.. and i scared of losing pple around mi.. wat am i supposed to do. i felt so lost.. like no ones gonna save mi.. i dunno.. guessed no one except myself can understand how i feel... i really dunno wat to do!!

on one hand, yesh.. i told him we can onli be frens.. cos the feelings is not as strong as b4 already.. but when he sae
' u are impt to mi.. i will not disappointed u.. i will bring u into my life.... i really love and feel for u.... are we not meant to be together when i can see the future is bright? i see it bright cos i know i will put in effort to make us happy... i see it bright cos i have confident in us.... i see it bright cos i will make it bright for us, i will draw force from the relationship... i see it bright cos i know i LOVE u... and i see it bright cos i will be ahppy with u around.... i really want to be with u... i want to have a chance for me to make u feel love and make u happy..'
my heart begins to sway.. i not now unclear of my feelings.. i dunno wat to do.. he's painting such a nice picture.. but im not sure will it ever happen.. i dun wanna make the wrong move.. i dun wanna regret..

on the other hand, i see the sincerinty in him.. to put in his best in this first step.. i see some similiarities in us.. i felt happy gg out wif him.. i saw his strengths.. i saw his honesty.. and all the efforts hes puttin in.. but stil, similiarly, im worried abt the future.. there aint any promises made.. though i noe theres no use makin empty promises.. im worried.. yeah.. im paranoid.. i nid help.. i nid reassurance..

i really go no idea as to how to settle this.. jus feel like finding a hole in the ground and hide.. i tot i am strong.. but now.. i felt as though im gg to fall apart anytime..